Hello, world!

My name is… hmm… I won’t tell ya my real name 😉

I decided to keep this blog anonymous, so no one at my school would know it's me.

Just in case someone accidentally stumbles upon it.

I want to write what I really think, and not worry that what I say will sound petty, totally unstylish, or even a bit stupid.

I want to be here as I really am.

That's second reason why this blog is anonymous.

A teen girl with tons of problems and confusion in my head

I’ve started this little corner of the internet so I can talk.

And I really want to talk.

Talking is important. It’s how we untangle the thoughts inside our heads before they turn into storms. Sometimes, just saying things out loud (or typing them here) makes them a little less heavy.

My best friend, let's call her Ella, is the only one who knows about this blog, and I think I’ll keep it that way.

I’ve dreamed about having my own page like the blog from the book "Girl Online" ever since I read it ages ago.

So I FINALLY DID IT!!! 🎉

I am sooo happy 😄

Stick around and feel free to leave comment 💌 (I would be really happy).

That’s all for now, lovelies.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Keep dreaming, always.

This is my new post! ✨ I am so excited to share more here!

Right now I'm trying not to explode... The bad news is that I lost so much material I wanted to put here! Oh... well. I better not tell you HOW I lost it (that's too stupid).

But the good news is that I remember almost everything, so this failure won't be THAT bad (it can always be worse, it can always be WORSE).

Anyway, above this blog is an option to choose "Books and Music". There is an atmosphere with stars, a dark sky...

Actually, that's just a dark-colored background.

But you can always try to romanticize your life 😉.

On the page "Books and Music," I talk about books (lots and lots of books) and the music I listen to. There are photos I took too and many more things, such as movies, TV shows, quotes, letters, and more! Most of it isn't written yet, but I will try to do it soon🥰

If you're reading this right now, I love you already 🤗

I want this blog to be a place where I have voice.

People often want me to shut up🥲

Because I talk too much.

Now I am going to talk here😇

I have a million things to take care of this week.

I hope to inspire everyone who reads this to TRY.

It's okay if it doesn't work from the beginning.

It's okay if there are a lot of obstacles at first.

IT'S NOTHING!

Because if you do what you really love, at some point you will succeed. Maybe it will be right away. Maybe it will take a long time.

But one day you will wake up and realize that your dream is starting to come true.

Honestly, my life isn't the easiest right now.

But I believe everything is going to be solved. The fact that I managed to create this blog made me believe in myself more. It was terribly difficult, and I almost gave up at every obstacle (of which there are still many).

But still, I can't give up.

You can't give up! Start doing what you love, and the rest will take care of itself.

Keep dreaming, always.

This is the beginning.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Academical stress

Hi, dears!

Lately my head has felt like a pot full of boiling potatoes. The water’s bubbling, the lid’s on, and there’s no way to turn down the heat☺️

I’ve noticed that some people feel the same as I do, they simply burn out from the workload. But there are also those whom school doesn’t seem to affect much.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it all depends on how you perceive it.

Personally I feel the pressure but that’s probably because I’m too demanding of myself.

I always need the best grades in the subjects I’m good at like history and literature.

And even if I could get a good grade without studying I still push myself. Not just to be good but to be excellent.

I probably overdo it.

After all what will all these grades even matter once I finish school?

Last week I had to give a public speech in front of the class.

I had written what I thought was a truly fantastic speech (if "fantastic" means three times longer than required😭), and my teacher told me I’d have to cut two thirds of it.

I started learning it the night before.

It wasn’t because I was lazy or careless. I simply didn’t have the time.

That week I had tons of homework, research work and tests.

So I just went to school hoping that knowing my topic well would be enough.

And I did know it well.

The problem was something else entirely. I had never given a speech without memorizing it properly.

I didn’t know that stress could make me forget everything and completely freeze🫣

It went terribly.

I’m proud I didn’t cry during or after the speech.

I held it together at school though once I got home that strength quickly vanished.

It’s strange living with this double mode — when everyone thinks you’ve got it all together but inside you’re on the verge of collapsing.

Many people live like that.

But back to the topic.

Just so you understand how bad it was I managed to say maybe a third or a quarter of my speech☹️

My pauses were a full minute long and I forgot so much of what I had meant to say☹️

It was a painfully embarrassing experience one I never want to repeat☹️

Still was there any good that came out of it?

I think I learned something.

Maybe academic stress isn’t the enemy. Maybe it’s a warning sign trying to tell us we’ve taken it too seriously.

Maybe it’s okay to let a grade drop if it means saving your mental health.

I’m a straight A student but not because everything comes easily to me.

Definitely not.

I struggle with much subjects.

The only reason I get good grades is that I sacrifice my free time.

Some days I don’t rest at all.

But do good grades really mean you’re smart or just that you’ve learned how to suffer silently?

Trust me when I say this — it’s not worth it.

I’m saying this from experience: Don’t let stress control your life.

Control it instead.

I’ll tell you what helps me when I’m full of stress.

First deep breathing really helps, it shifts your focus away from stress and once your thoughts calm down it’s easier to think clearly.

Second whenever you start to worry reprogram your thoughts or create an alter ego. It’s not easy to change your mindset, it takes willpower, but it’s worth it.

For example when you’re in a bad mood you can, in theory, turn yourself from a grumpy anteater into a cheerful chatterbox in a split second. You just don’t want to. Thoughts have great power and at first it feels hard to resist your old mindset but with effort you can change it.

Third figure out what your anti-stress medicine is. It could be coffee, a special piece of jewelry or even a specific outfit.

Just teach your mind to believe that it calms you down :)

Stick around and feel free to leave comment 💌 (I would be really happy).

That’s all for now, dears.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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What it means to be a person who feels too much.

Last night when I went to sleep, I couldn’t help but think.

A lot 🙃

🎵I’m in a sentimental moooddd🎵

🎵I can see the stars come through my rooomm🎵

🎵While your loving attitude🎵

🎵Is like a flame that lights the glooommm🎵

That’s from a song.

Why in the world is it so hard to just be? We can’t stop judging others. Why can’t we just be more empathetic and kind?

Fuck, it’s so hard to just BE a human 😣

Everyone has their own struggles, but they’re all different.

One struggles with money, another with family, someone with looks, someone else with work or school.

Someone’s dying.

Someone’s just born.

Bruh, is there anything easy about being human anyway?

Why are there people who judge others by their weight, but when someone judges them by their height, they think it’s somehow different?

WHAT’S THE DAMN DIFFERENCE?

I was bullied for six damn years.

And what I want to say is this: please, never be the reason someone feels anxious when they walk into school.

Never be the reason someone starts looking for faults in themselves.

Never be the reason someone cries and feels totally alone.

Don’t be the reason someone feels powerless.

Be the reason someone smiles,

laughs,

talks,

the reason someone feels better.

That’s not so hard. Unless you’re unhappy yourself. People who are mean to others are usually the ones who are hurt. Or they hurt others first because they’re afraid that if they don’t, someone else will hurt them.

Happy people don’t try to take someone else’s happiness away to feel better.

I think it’s time to make this world a happier place.

Gosh, that sounded beautiful.

But too optimistic.

The thing is, I’m hardly an optimist.

More likely a realist.

And I know that everyone can’t be happy.

But the keyword is TRY :)

When you compliment an outsider girl, the world won’t suddenly become happy — there won’t be unicorns and rainbows.

But you’ll give HER a promise to HER world.

A promise that her world can be happier.

Yeah, maybe I feel everything too deap.

But what If I'm right?

We would have lived on this world with a heavy burden on our shoulders and heaping even more on others.

Stay kind and spread happiness, always.

Even when you’re not happy.

Love y’all :)

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Too much.

Hi, everyone.

I need to do a lot of things.

Read ten books I took from library, and I need to bring back this week.

And finally start implementing my project☠️

Pack the bag for training at the gym.

Write my book a little.

Write a little my second book.

Read books I bought (around twenty). I have totally BIG problem. When I arrive at the bookstore I PHYSICALLY CAN'T RESIST BUYING BOOK. My mom already put book-buying ban on me, and my step-father said that I need to stop.

Finally start learning chemistry☠️

And biology too☠️

And my talk of the book "Jane Eyre" too...

Anddd I just remembered about that talk while writing this down.

Of course.

So much fun, guys.

You are missing out a lot.

Want to join?

Writing this made me feel at least A BIT lighter☺️

And what exactly is wrong with those damn likes?! They’re so switchy! Yesterday there were five likes on the first post, and today... zero. Like, you can’t *unlike*, can you?!

Something got stuck!

Probably on my firebase😒

I hope they'll come back by themselves.

I hope yall doing great (better than me)

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Love this blog.

I really love writing on this blog.

This may be my favorite part of the day 🥹

Writing a blog creates the illusion...

that someone is listening,

that someone sympathizes,

that someone relates,

that someone UNDERSTANDS.

I feel the power in my hands — that I can write what I truly think here.

MWA-HAHAHA

My friend called me bipolar because I was in a terrible mood, and then suddenly I pulled myself together. Within seconds I was able to change my thinking and behavior. She glared at me when I started laughing at a joke she told about me and said I was being bipolar.

Meanie, Ella.

Believe me, you have a lot of power. You can fool your mind any way you want. It’s not easy, but with practice, anything is possible.

For example, last school year I had to give a talk in front of my class.

That time was better than this.

Weeks before the talk, I practiced it so much, but I was still totally scared to speak in front of people.

You know what helped me?

Mind-fooling.

Many days before the talk, I convinced myself that I didn’t care, that I wasn’t afraid.

Basically, I fooled myself.

I just made it sound so easy.

Except it wasn’t.

I had to push EVERY fearful thought out of my head and replace it with something like “oh, that’s gonna be so easy” or “I don’t even care.”

Crazy, I would say.

But after DAYS of controlling my thoughts, I actually started to believe it.

Feel free to leave a comment 💌 (I would be really happy).

That’s all for now, pretty souls.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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