Hello, world!

My name is… hmm… I won’t tell ya my real name 😉

I decided to keep this blog anonymous, so no one at my school would know it's me.

Just in case someone accidentally stumbles upon it.

I want to write what I really think, and not worry that what I say will sound petty, totally unstylish, or even a bit stupid.

I want to be here as I really am.

That's second reason why this blog is anonymous.

A teen girl with tons of problems and confusion in my head

I’ve started this little corner of the internet so I can talk.

And I really want to talk.

Talking is important. It’s how we untangle the thoughts inside our heads before they turn into storms. Sometimes, just saying things out loud (or typing them here) makes them a little less heavy.

My best friend, let's call her Ella, is the only one who knows about this blog, and I think I’ll keep it that way.

I’ve dreamed about having my own page like the blog from the book "Girl Online" ever since I read it ages ago.

So I FINALLY DID IT!!! 🎉

I am sooo happy 😄

Stick around and feel free to leave comment 💌 (I would be really happy).

That’s all for now, lovelies.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Keep dreaming, always.

This is my new post! ✨ I am so excited to share more here!

Right now I'm trying not to explode... The bad news is that I lost so much material I wanted to put here! Oh... well. I better not tell you HOW I lost it (that's too stupid).

But the good news is that I remember almost everything, so this failure won't be THAT bad (it can always be worse, it can always be WORSE).

Anyway, above this blog is an option to choose "Books and Music". There is an atmosphere with stars, a dark sky...

Actually, that's just a dark-colored background.

But you can always try to romanticize your life 😉.

On the page "Books and Music," I talk about books (lots and lots of books) and the music I listen to. There are photos I took too and many more things, such as movies, TV shows, quotes, letters, and more! Most of it isn't written yet, but I will try to do it soon🥰

If you're reading this right now, I love you already 🤗

I want this blog to be a place where I have voice.

People often want me to shut up🥲

Because I talk too much.

Now I am going to talk here😇

I have a million things to take care of this week.

I hope to inspire everyone who reads this to TRY.

It's okay if it doesn't work from the beginning.

It's okay if there are a lot of obstacles at first.

IT'S NOTHING!

Because if you do what you really love, at some point you will succeed. Maybe it will be right away. Maybe it will take a long time.

But one day you will wake up and realize that your dream is starting to come true.

Honestly, my life isn't the easiest right now.

But I believe everything is going to be solved. The fact that I managed to create this blog made me believe in myself more. It was terribly difficult, and I almost gave up at every obstacle (of which there are still many).

But still, I can't give up.

You can't give up! Start doing what you love, and the rest will take care of itself.

Keep dreaming, always.

This is the beginning.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Academical stress

Hi, dears!

Lately my head has felt like a pot full of boiling potatoes. The water’s bubbling, the lid’s on, and there’s no way to turn down the heat☺️

I’ve noticed that some people feel the same as I do, they simply burn out from the workload. But there are also those whom school doesn’t seem to affect much.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it all depends on how you perceive it.

Personally I feel the pressure but that’s probably because I’m too demanding of myself.

I always need the best grades in the subjects I’m good at like history and literature.

And even if I could get a good grade without studying I still push myself. Not just to be good but to be excellent.

I probably overdo it.

After all what will all these grades even matter once I finish school?

Last week I had to give a public speech in front of the class.

I had written what I thought was a truly fantastic speech (if "fantastic" means three times longer than required😭), and my teacher told me I’d have to cut two thirds of it.

I started learning it the night before.

It wasn’t because I was lazy or careless. I simply didn’t have the time.

That week I had tons of homework, research work and tests.

So I just went to school hoping that knowing my topic well would be enough.

And I did know it well.

The problem was something else entirely. I had never given a speech without memorizing it properly.

I didn’t know that stress could make me forget everything and completely freeze🫣

It went terribly.

I’m proud I didn’t cry during or after the speech.

I held it together at school though once I got home that strength quickly vanished.

It’s strange living with this double mode — when everyone thinks you’ve got it all together but inside you’re on the verge of collapsing.

Many people live like that.

But back to the topic.

Just so you understand how bad it was I managed to say maybe a third or a quarter of my speech☹️

My pauses were a full minute long and I forgot so much of what I had meant to say☹️

It was a painfully embarrassing experience one I never want to repeat☹️

Still was there any good that came out of it?

I think I learned something.

Maybe academic stress isn’t the enemy. Maybe it’s a warning sign trying to tell us we’ve taken it too seriously.

Maybe it’s okay to let a grade drop if it means saving your mental health.

I’m a straight A student but not because everything comes easily to me.

Definitely not.

I struggle with much subjects.

The only reason I get good grades is that I sacrifice my free time.

Some days I don’t rest at all.

But do good grades really mean you’re smart or just that you’ve learned how to suffer silently?

Trust me when I say this — it’s not worth it.

I’m saying this from experience: Don’t let stress control your life.

Control it instead.

I’ll tell you what helps me when I’m full of stress.

First deep breathing really helps, it shifts your focus away from stress and once your thoughts calm down it’s easier to think clearly.

Second whenever you start to worry reprogram your thoughts or create an alter ego. It’s not easy to change your mindset, it takes willpower, but it’s worth it.

For example when you’re in a bad mood you can, in theory, turn yourself from a grumpy anteater into a cheerful chatterbox in a split second. You just don’t want to. Thoughts have great power and at first it feels hard to resist your old mindset but with effort you can change it.

Third figure out what your anti-stress medicine is. It could be coffee, a special piece of jewelry or even a specific outfit.

Just teach your mind to believe that it calms you down :)

Stick around and feel free to leave comment 💌 (I would be really happy).

That’s all for now, dears.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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What it means to be a person who feels too much.

Last night when I went to sleep, I couldn’t help but think.

A lot 🙃

🎵I’m in a sentimental moooddd🎵

🎵I can see the stars come through my rooomm🎵

🎵While your loving attitude🎵

🎵Is like a flame that lights the glooommm🎵

That’s from a song.

Why in the world is it so hard to just be? We can’t stop judging others. Why can’t we just be more empathetic and kind?

Fuck, it’s so hard to just BE a human 😣

Everyone has their own struggles, but they’re all different.

One struggles with money, another with family, someone with looks, someone else with work or school.

Someone’s dying.

Someone’s just born.

Bruh, is there anything easy about being human anyway?

Why are there people who judge others by their weight, but when someone judges them by their height, they think it’s somehow different?

WHAT’S THE DAMN DIFFERENCE?

I was bullied for six damn years.

And what I want to say is this: please, never be the reason someone feels anxious when they walk into school.

Never be the reason someone starts looking for faults in themselves.

Never be the reason someone cries and feels totally alone.

*Don’t* be the reason someone feels powerless.

Be the reason someone smiles,

laughs,

talks,

the reason someone feels better.

That’s not so hard. *Unless you’re unhappy by yourself*

People who are mean to others are usually the ones who are hurt. Or they hurt others first because they’re afraid that if they don’t, someone else will hurt them.

Happy people don’t try to take someone else’s happiness away to feel better.

I think it’s time to make this world a happier place.

Gosh, that sounded beautiful.

But too optimistic.

The thing is, I’m hardly an optimist.

More likely a realist.

And I know that everyone can’t be happy.

But the keyword is TRY :)

When you compliment an outsider girl, the world won’t suddenly become happy — there won’t be unicorns and rainbows.

But you’ll give HER a promise to HER world.

A promise that her world can be happier.

Yeah, maybe I feel everything too deap.

But what If I'm right?

We would have lived on this world with a heavy burden on our shoulders and heaping even more on others.

Stay kind and spread happiness, always.

Even when you’re not happy.

Love y’all :)

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Too much.

Hi, everyone.

I need to do a lot of things.

Read ten books I took from library, and I need to bring back this week.

And finally start implementing my project☠️

Pack the bag for training at the gym.

Write my book a little.

Write a little my second book.

Read books I bought (around twenty). I have totally BIG problem. When I arrive at the bookstore I PHYSICALLY CAN'T RESIST BUYING BOOK. My mom already put book-buying ban on me, and my step-father said that I need to stop.

Finally start learning chemistry☠️

And biology too☠️

And my talk of the book "Jane Eyre" too...

Anddd I just remembered about that talk while writing this down.

Of course.

So much fun, guys.

You are missing out a lot.

Want to join?

Writing this made me feel at least A BIT lighter☺️

And what exactly is wrong with those damn likes?! They’re so switchy! Yesterday there were five likes on the first post, and today... zero. Like, you can’t *unlike*, can you?!

Something got stuck!

Probably on my firebase😒

I hope they'll come back by themselves.

I hope yall doing great (better than me)

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Love this blog.

I really love writing on this blog.

This may be my favorite part of the day 🥹

Writing a blog creates the illusion...

that someone is listening,

that someone relates,

that someone UNDERSTANDS.

I feel the power in my hands — that I can write what I truly think here.

MWA-HAHAHA

My friend called me bipolar because I was in a terrible mood, and then suddenly I pulled myself together. Within seconds I was able to change my thinking and behavior. She glared at me when I started laughing at a joke she told about me and said I was being bipolar.

Meanie, Ella.

Believe me, you have a lot of power. You can fool your mind any way you want. It’s not easy, but with practice, anything is possible.

For example, last school year I had to give a talk in front of my class.

That time was better than this.

Weeks before the talk, I practiced it so much, but I was still totally scared to speak in front of people.

You know what helped me?

Mind-fooling.

Many days before the talk, I convinced myself that I didn’t care, that I wasn’t afraid.

Basically, I fooled myself.

I just made it sound so easy.

Except it wasn't.

I had to push EVERY fearful thought out of my head *not easy* and replace it with something like “oh, that’s gonna be so easy” or “I don’t even care.”

Crazy, I would say.

But after DAYS of controlling my thoughts, I actually started to believe it.

Feel free to leave a comment 💌 (I would be really happy).

That’s all for now, pretty souls.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Friday

Hi, lovelies!

The days are passing quickly and it will soon be November.

What's so special about it, some might ask.

I don't really know, but there is a special feeling.

Additionally, in November, there will be results for one book contest that I submitted my book to.

I hope sm that I succeeded.

But every time I revise my book a little, it seems more and more sloppy. I hope that's because I'm critical of what I'm writing, not because it really is😊

That may be one of my biggest fears, that books I write are bad-written.

And I really hope to succeed in that competition so I can buy myself an Apple Mac.

Oh, please I WANT AN APPLE MAC SO BADLY.

And that my book is being published.

But I am sooo scared.

Bet anyways I am gonna hope for the best😌

I don't like it so much that it won't be October anymore soon.

I love October.

I love cozy coats, the steam rising from coffee in cool weather, colorful leaves falling, and fragrant air...

The only thing I like about winter is Christmas.

Stick around and feel free to leave comment 💌

That’s all for now, lovelies.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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The I-need-to-be-good-at-everything problem.

Hi, dears!

Anyone else have this problem whatsoever it is called?

That you need to know a little of everything.

And If you don't, you feel stupid and bad🙄

It doesn’t even matter what the topic is — middle ages, movies, Harry Potter, 18th-century literature, how to properly cut an avocado — my brain just goes: "You should already know this."

I just made in my brain "You should already know this" sound like an evil witches voice with cackling.🤣

Even when no one expects you to know it all, there’s this weird pressure inside your head whispering, that you should already know that.

Then the need to be able to do everything.

I try to be good at everything, and end up exhausted because perfection in everything is simply impossible.

I start learning, and for a moment it feels magical — until I see someone who’s way better. Then I instantly feel like I’m behind, like I’ve failed before I’ve even started.

And there are so many things I’m bad at — which, honestly, feels illegal. Like, excuse me, who gave the permission to make me *not good* at something?

And then the need to try everything.

Try playing chess🙄

Try coding🙄

Yeah… coding, huh? That went well. I basically stared at the screen and made friends with tags.

And then came this blog. I wanted to try it so badly. Like, *I need a place to talk before my thoughts explode* badly.

So here we are. My little internet diary with readers (sort of). A place where I can talk, overthink, and drink coffee while writing in it, all at the same time. Perfection.

And know I can drown happily in my caffeine addiction, because I HAVE created this blog.

There were two reasons why I made this.

First, I wanted a place to talk. Place I have a voice. Like a diary but with readers.

Also, reason number two: I *had* to try this.

Trying to listen to every song, every music genre and artist🙄

That goes together with the passage too.

All these things together make my prolem.

Very nice-y, I'd say.

I hope I am not the only one.

Feel free to leave comment 💌

That’s all for now, dears.

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Sunday morning

Hi!

Ah, Sunday mornings…

I love this morning. Right now, I am drinking coffee and writing this down.

On my earpods (yes, the ones I impulsively bought last week, because I wanted wired earpods, not AirPods) is Wicked Game by Chris Isaak.

Outside the window, there are trees with colorful leaves.

All of that together creates the autumn vibe 🍁

Tomorrow is school, and honestly… do I have to? 🥲 Some people like Mondays; I apparently did not get that memo.

I can’t wait to finish school, which is still, unfortunately, a few years away. Yay, patience… or not.

Lately, I’ve been daydreaming about my "perfect" future. It looks something like this: study journalism at university, then travel the world, write a blog that people actually read, and one day wake up in Greece with a coffee in hand, typing a book on my MacBook (which I don’t own yet, so no judging 😅).

It is very important for me to get an education, and I'm a little scared because I'm very spontaneous.

I have to remind myself all the time that there are no spontaneous ideas in this regard. For example, not going straight to university, taking a gap year, and simply going to the other side of the world (or France) with just one bag — no, I can't do that.

I have the following order: university, house, travel.

Let's just hope that no one will offer my spontaneous soul a chance to enjoy life and travel right after school.

Would you like to share what your goals are? Then leave a comment! 💌

Spread love, lovelies!

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Bad day

Hi, buddies!

Honestly... this day sucks.

My life sucks.

Everything sucks.

I got into a fight with my parents, and I’m just sooo annoyed and angry right now.

I could list every bad emotion that exists.

They’re being sooo unfair. Like, come on.

And this isn’t one of those “my-parents-won’t-let-me-go-out-to-party-at-1am” situations.

Not. Even. Close.

I haven’t even done anything wrong! Nothing that would make them mad at me.

If your parents ever say you can’t do something because "you haven’t been good enough," let me tell you something — that’s just an excuse.

You can study a lot, not drink, not smoke, be kind, be responsible... basically try being wonderful.

And somehow, it still won’t matter.

I hope you’re having a better day than I am.

XOXO,
The Girl Online

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How I decided to go to the gym

Hi!

I got late classes today, so it's morning and I am still at home.

Today is going to be a really long day, but I think (and hope :)) a good one.

I made peace with my mom, so life's good again, I guess?

I'll have classes until four today, then I'll have volunteer work until six, and then gym until half past eight.

I think it will be great. Both the volunteer work and the gym.

I'm not the most athletic person. During gym class, I'm like Bella from Twilight😇

But I have athletic parents, sort of. And I always felt pressured because they always made me do some kind of sport for health.

The thing is that I am bad at every sport. Especially at contact sports. I went to volleyball (it was tragic) and tried other sports.

But I hated everything.

I did one sport for about half a year, I can't say I liked it, but I had no choice. That was the best option out of the worst.

But then suddenly I fell.

I arrived at the hospital in a state of shock with much bruises on body and face, a concussion, and temporary amnesia.

I arrived at the hospital in a state of shock with bruises, a concussion, and temporary amnesia.

I don't even remember it, my mom told me.

When I came out of shock after two hours and was able to THINK at all, I just thought for a while. I tried to remember that day. It took a while before I started to remember anything, but the whole day seemed very distant.

Like a dream.

I didn't remember the next two hours from the moment I fell (I don't even remember how I fell and got to the hospital).

But, yeah, after that incident my mom let me quit sports. Then I didn't go anywhere for a while (yay!).

But then after a while my step-dad told me AGAIN to go in for some sport.

But I had an idea.

Who told me that I had to go in for some kind of sport like volleyball, football?

I decided to try going to the gym.

I really liked it.

So now I go to the gym not because of pressure from my parents, but because I really like it, I want to go myself.

What is your sports experience?

Write in the comments💌

XOXO,
The Girl Online

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Little trip

Hi! I'm on a weekend getaway with my family☺️

The town we were in gave off such Stars Hollow vibes that I wanted to stay there.

I've attached some pictures of an aesthetic cafe we stopped at🍕

That’s all for now, lovelies.

Stick around and feel free to leave comment 💌 (I would be really happy).

XOXO, The Girl Online

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Bad day

Helloo :)

It was a loooong day.

And I have a math test tommorow😵

I am not that bad at math.

In fact, I got into math-smart-stundents consultations😝

*Really proud of myself*

BUT I hate maths🫣

And I really don't like this topic, we have right now.

And I am tired.

I do everything except study math.

Today I had two opportunities to study math throughout the day at school.

I didn't use this option

Instead I studied history *which I love*

So, here I am.

And I also wanted to say that I wrote a poem! I put everything that was on my heart into it. A poem is about putting thoughts into words *I won't post the poem here*.

Honestly, I didn't like writing poems before.

But I have always loved writing.

Ever since I can remember, putting my thoughts into words on paper has felt natural to me.

Writing stories, essays, opinion pieces, analyses, stories, books and even lists.

But now... poems too?!

What changed?

Maybe it was the poet-ed inspiration that came.

I don't know.

Lately, I am so obsessed with these bands and singers: Radiohead, Bruno Mars, Fleetwood Mac, Tom Odell, The Smiths, The Neighbourhood, and Cigarettes After Sex.

Their music just speaks to me in a way nothing else does.

There was a period in my life when I didn't listen to music.

*The Dark Times*

When I heard someone playing music, I rolled my eyes.

When I saw everyone on the street with headphones in their ears, I frowned and thought they were weird.

When I was asked if I was depressed because I didn't listen to music, I said that those who listen to music are the ones who are depressed, *not me*.

But in reality, I was the weirdo who *tried* to avoid music.

don't think I had depression, because it's something more serious.

I just felt sad and annoyed all the time.

I tried not to feel too much. And music causes that.

Don't avoid music. It heals.

And when you’re afraid of feeling too much, when your emotions run wild — let it go.

Just LET IT GO!

Let go of fear!

Leave a comment 💌

XOXO,
The Girl Online

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How to deal with extra-annoying classmate.

Hi!

Today was a huge test of my nerves and patience… *and trust me, I have no patience* 😅

I have a classmate who is totally "gangster-coded". He doesn’t study, he smokes, drinks, etc. Normally, I wouldn’t care about that, but what really annoys me is him bothering **ME** constantly.

Today he sat next to me for… I have no idea why.

Maybe to annoy me?

Or maybe he just didn’t want to sit at the front, and all the other seats were taken.

Either way, it was the worst.

He tapped me on the shoulder *so many times*, asked me for an eraser (even though there was nothing in pencil to erase in his notebook!), asked random, stupid questions, and when I moved my table away from him… he just moved his table closer again. 🙄 And yes… that’s not even all of it.

Honestly, some days I wonder if he’s secretly trying to drive me crazy on purpose.

I don't wonder, actually.

I **KNOW** that he tries to drive me crazy.

So I am sharing some tips that may help you if you have a similar situation.

How to deal with extra-annoying classmate:

• Try ignoring him when he asks a lot of questions, focus on your classwork.
• When he starts judging your handwriting and says, "How could everyone ever read that," tell him that normal people can read cursive, *not drunk, though*.
• When he starts putting random things on your desk, push them back towards him with your hand.
• Start driving **HIM** crazy, *I didn't do that so I can't say that if it is effective method*.
• When he puts his bank card on your table, DON'T PUSH IT BACK AT HIM! *I did that.* But pick it up! *I didn't do that, sadly.*
• If your classmates start giggling, ignore them.
• If someone yells, "We know you like her!" IGNORE!!!
• When someone asks him if he likes her and immediately asks him another question: "Can you calm down now and stop talking so loudly?" And he says "yes", *it's not known which of the two questions the idiot answered*, then frown and ignore him AND EVERYONE.
• Don't try to be kind in the start, as I did, but IGNORE!

This list looks so silly with those 2 billions of "ignore", but, believe in me, it helps!

Do you have an annoying classmate?

How do you deal with her/him?

Write in the comments 💌

XOXO,
The Girl Online

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